When the Brain Resists Change with Rica Peralejo

In this episode of Moment to Moment (Day 15), Coach Pia discusses the theme “When the Brain Resists Change” with former child star, author, and current content creator Rica Peralejo-Bonifacio. They explore the biological and emotional reasons why we fear change, focusing on Rica’s dramatic life transitions and how she learned to navigate them with intentional courage.

Key Takeaways:

• The Privilege of a Pause: Rica started in the entertainment industry at the age of 12. For the next 13 years, her life was an exhausting cycle of work and survival, leaving no room to pause or reflect. At 25, she realized she was simply floating through a life chosen for her. She acknowledges that hitting “pause” to reevaluate her life was a privilege that allowed her to figure out what she actually wanted [04:32].

• The Science of Change: Coach Pia explains that when we face a major life change, the brain often resists not because it is weak, but because it is biologically wired to protect us. The unfamiliar feels like danger to the nervous system. Rica resonates with this, noting her study of the book Brain Rules, which taught her that the brain cannot learn or be creative unless it first feels biologically safe [12:06].

• Courage Requires Safety: To successfully navigate change and act with intentional courage, you must first establish a safe space. For Rica, making the terrifying leap from a stable, lucrative acting career to returning to school at 25 required finding safety in her faith and trusting that she would be supported emotionally and financially [08:04].

• Dealing with Controversy and “The Freeze”: Rica shares a vulnerable story about experiencing massive backlash early in the Twitter era after she publicly complained about being asked for a photo while sick in the hospital. The public hatred—coupled with criticism from close friends while she was already down—caused her to “freeze.” She learned that in moments of extreme chaos, regulating her nervous system and finding a safe space (for her, speaking to God) was the only way to thaw the freeze and find courage [23:35].

• Reframing the “Haters”: Over the years, Rica has learned to regulate her responses to bashers and negativity. Instead of fighting back or taking it personally, she now views attackers as people who simply need to express their feelings, rather than people looking for a constructive dialogue. This mental shift prevents her brain from entering “fight or flight” mode [22:01].

• Accepting Your Design: Now living an atypical life as a pastor’s wife and public figure, Rica admits she sometimes wishes she were the “typical, quiet, and gentle” type. However, her journey has taught her to accept that she was designed with a specific, feisty personality for a reason, and she no longer views her innate character as a mistake [31:08].